Alas, as I progressed with my meditation practice, the distressed breathing remained right there to greet me. Coming face-to-face with my breathing did not bring me into the coveted present moment; it dredged up memories of coughing during soccer practice and waking up in the middle of the night gasping for air.
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But as our minds tend to do, I quickly followed that loving thought with a negative one. I began to feel the physical pain. I looked at my hands. Both of my palms were scraped and bleeding. There was a hole in my pants and my knee was bleeding and throbbing. I immediately began berating myself for not fighting harder to stay upright.
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I recently came across a quote by Daniell Koepke about only doing and being around what makes you happy. I really felt a connection and understanding to the quote with different situations in my life, some past and some present.
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Listen
to what you need to say
then lie down and die for a while.
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Sometimes it feels like we are all running a really long, fast, and hard race. Zipping around, trying to get “a million things done.” Never completing our endless to-do lists. And then feeling guilty about it.
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I heard someone say once – “everyone should have a little bit of cancer.” What? The idea threw me because I try as best as I can to stay away from the dreaded C disease by having my mammogram, watching my diet, red wine, blah, blah, blah.
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Overwhelm is a sign that there are big things happening in your life, and that you are being called to create more space, to pay more attention, to grow. What is important is how we respond to overwhelm. Do we get lost in it, or dance with it?
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And there’s the super fit woman who comes in right under the wire, doesn’t make too much eye contact, and slips out of class right at the end. She wants to soften too. I feel this when I assist her in a reclined spinal twist. The gradual sigh. Giving it up for a few breaths.
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I took a hot yoga class last night for the first time in years. We do some breathing. The teacher announces it’s time to focus for the next 90 minutes and “stop fidgeting”. Then one of the straps on my top snaps in proper wardrobe malfunction style.
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2015 has already been about the most spectacular year on record for sunsets. The SUNSETS we’ve seen! When I lived in Hawai’i, every evening people would stop and gather for “Sunset Hour” instead of Happy Hour.
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